12/26/2017 Thoughts from the past week

I am glad to have a week behind me!  It wasn't the easiest week for my mind, but I am grateful it wasn't so bad physically.  It was hard to be here in the hospital over Christmas, but I made it through.  I will admit I did shed a tear from time to time wishing I was with my family celebrating the holiday.  Several people told me that with today's technology it will be easier because I can Skype, FaceTime, Snapchat, etc and feel like I was a part of the celebration.  In reality it wasn't that way at all.  Seeing friends' and family's social media posts made it even harder because I saw exactly what I was missing.  I often found myself pushing the emotions aside and keeping my focus on the big picture. I have had visitors everyday since I have been admitted which helps pass the time greatly. I have spent a lot of time walking laps around the "Unit" trying to do at least 14 laps, which translates to a mile walk.  The walking helps clear my mind and it makes my body feel good.  I have been using all this time I have to do a lot of thinking.  I been working on my relationship with God and trying to mend the struggles of the past that I felt were because of Him.  Many people that know me well know that I do believe in God, but I was not His best example of faith.  With help from Fr. MacDonald, my sister Shannon, and even a message from a childhood friend, I am beginning to understand what He does and is doing now.  I know this all seem so weird coming form me, but this experience in my life has really made me take a look at my faith and the lack of understanding I have had over the years.  I even went to confession for the first time in over 20 years.  There was something inside me that told me there isn't anyway I was going to pull through this without the Lord on my side.  I have to say opening my heart back up to God was the best choice I've made.  I have felt more at ease in the last weeks than I can remember in a long time.  I also have to say all the messages on Facebook have warmed my heart more than anyone will ever know.  I promise I have read each and every message that has been left and I thank you for taking the time to offer your support and encouragement.  I will eventually respond to the people that left me a PM as soon as I have a moment to respond with the attention they gave to me. Sorry this update is so off the wall for me, but this has been my week.  I really dont have much to update in the sense of the cancer.  We are still waiting to see if the Chemo has worked accordingly.  The Doctors have told me all my labs are exactly what they want to see.  My body is handing the Chemo nicely and without any serious complications.  I will have a bone marrow biopsy on Monday next week and this will tell us if I am in remission for AML.  If I am indeed in remission, I will get to go home for a couple of weeks and take oral chemo to give my body a break before we start round 2 of Chemo for the transplant.